miss you. love you.

the start of the new year brought a sense of heartache that i have never before experienced. 

my dear poppop had been fighting cancer for a few years now, for the second time in his life.  christmas was difficult, though looking back, i am ever so thankful that he was able to share this last christmas with us.  even in his pain and weakness, he was ever so present.  he was with us.

he was with us.

and then just days after the new year, he went home to be with our lord and savior in eternal healing and peace.

there's a great deal of the first two weeks of the new year that keep playing over and over again in my mind; some of which i wish i could change, most of which i know i can't.  i can almost picture every moment of each phone call with updates about his progress and then every moment of being home for the funeral.

some moments will be ingrained forever on my heart.  the drive home to pa in hopes to hold his hand one last time and to kiss his cheek one last time. the moment of opening poppop and grandmom's door and my dad walking around the corner to say, "poppop's gone, sweetheart."  i missed him.  and now i will miss him forever. 

there was a bittersweet blessing in being home for the entire week with family, celebrating poppop's life.  his honorable military funeral was a gift to our family.  a gift that will be treasured in his honor and in his memory.

miss you, poppop.  love you.

"for this god is our god for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." {psalm 48:14}