Tuesday, June 04, 2013

spoken from the heart

in reading laura bush's memoir, spoken from the heart, i found myself time and time again in awe of two things:  {1} the depth of blessings bestowed upon our great, american nation, and {2} the sacrifice and diligence of so many american leaders, american soldiers, and american citizens.  i share in laura's pride for america.  "it is easy to be proud of our country, because when there is a need, americans' first instinct is to respond."

i envision the bush family as a family of class and a family that loves the lord.  while some may argue george w. bush did not make the best political or wisest president, i believe (in my minimal political understanding), that he was the man that god had intended and put into place to lead our nation during the worst terrorist attacks that we have experienced on our own soil.  and i thank god for his leadership, strength, compassion, and endurance.  i think we need to remember that ultimately, "george did not want war.  no president ever does.  he knew how precious any child is, and every person sent into war is someone's child, and often someone's mother or father too."

and while we can debate political decisions all day long, the reality is we will never comprehend the level of decision making and sacrifice experienced by our presidents and their families.  laura bush herself noted that "the world does not operate according to the principles of 'what if?' all leaders make choices, and no one can say for certain what would have happened had a different path been taken."  whether in agreement with the president or not, i fully believe we, as american citizens, can be better supporters of our american leadership.  laura finishes that quote with "for myself, i prefer to stand against oppression, to stand, with george, for freedom."

at one point in her memoir, she discussed how ronald reagan had not acquired the most respected legacy while in office, but at the time of his death, america seemed to finally give reagan the recognition his wartime presidency truly earned.  i pray the same recognition is granted to bush eventually as i believe he led with sincere compassion, making wartime decisions that were in america's best interest and protection.  laura mimics this, too, "i am proud that, as president, george acted on princple, that he put our country first and himself last."

of course much of the memoir is centered on the attacks and aftermath of 9-11.  what a reminder this was of the uncertainties that followed for months and years of that fall day.  i can still picture sitting in mr. reynolds world religions class, hearing the news, and spending the rest of the day moving from one class block to the next just to refocus on the devastation being played over and over again on the tv screen.  laura bush understood that "we who were alive on that morning were marked by it, indelibly and forever."

in these moments, i am in gratitude of the safety and general normalcy the lord has restored in so many of our lives; though we should never forget to recognize the men and women that are continuing to fight for our safe and comfortable lives.  god bless america, and god bless our troops!

now for some other quote highlights (it gets a bit lengthy...i realize now, as i skim over the pages looking for my underlines how much i truly enjoyed laura's memoir):

"you might talk about the wind and the weather, but troubles you swallowed deep down inside."

"he might not wish to remember, but neither would he ever allow himself to forget."  {this is in reference to her father's firsthand sightings of some of the devastation of the concentration camps during the holocaust.}

"some of my longtime el paso lynchburg friends say that people who move away invariably find themselves moving back.  because they're not happy anywhere else but in el paso lynchburg."  {seems appropriate to replace el paso here with lynchburg.  am i right, lynchburgians?}

"when you do not know where edges begin and end, you are frequently surprised by what is hard or sharp."

"we lived our lives in a kind of easy oblivion and ceded the important decisions to the adults."

"life's largest truth may be that everyone faces tragedy.  learning to accept those tragedies, learning to accept that life is riddled with events large and small, events that you may cause or that may happen to you, events that you can never control, is perhaps the hardest lesson of all.  in that wrenching fact, i have faith that no one is ever alone."

"but i already know that the 'what ifs' are fruitless.  it's a futile exercise to go through the 'oh, if i only hadn't done that, then that wouldn't have happened.'"

"but i graduated with no ring on my left hand and no immediate prospects for one."  {doesn't this sound familiar coming from the land of 'ring by spring'?!?!}

"the english language lacks the words to mourn an absence.  for the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child, or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not.  still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'i am sorry for your loss.'  but for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness.  for those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives.  who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

"there is a loveliness to baseball that is only found in a stadium, that never quite conveys across the coaxial cables and pixels of a television screen."

"for that moment, as we stood watching that flag and remembering, daddy was with us."  {in connection to the day of remembrance for the holocaust victims.  laura reflects on her father's service.}

"'when we remember the holocaust and to whom it happened, we must also remember where it happened.  it didn't happen in some remote or unfamiliar place; it happened right in the middle of the western world...and the orders came not from crude and uneducated men, but from men who regarded themselves as cultured and well-schooled, modern and even forward-looking.  they had all the outward traits of cultured men--except for conscience.  their crimes show the world that even can slip in and blend in, amid the most civilized of surroundings.  in the end, only conscience can stop it, and moral discernment and decency and tolerance.  these can never be assured in any time or in any society.  they must always be taught.'" {this was george w. bush's speech on the day of remembrance.}

"i didn't even wait for him to finish but began, 'well, parents need to reassure their children everywhere in our country that they're safe.'"  {laura's response to a question regarding how our nation responds, provides, and supports the fears children of our nation faced after the 9-11 attacks.}

"they were people with names, with hometowns, with parents, spouses, and families, and they were willing to give themselves and their lives so that other dads and moms going to work on a quiet, late-summer morning might never know terror again."

"so many lives lost, each on exceptional to someone."

"but friendship is what nurtures us.  my friends were often my sustenance during the white house years.  we could talk, laugh, and simply be.  sharing those trails renewed me, body and soul."

"it was important for them to talk about those whom they had loved and lost.  the talking soothed, and it helped to keep the one they loved alive in their hearts.  so many had lost the person they loved the best."

"as i walked, i realized there are things that textbooks, photographs, or even graying documentary footage cannot teach.  they cannot teach you how to feel when you see prayer shawls or baby shoes left by children torn from their mothers, or prison cells with the scratch marks of attempted escape.  and i wept when i saw the thousands of eyeglasses, their lenses still smudged with tears and dirt.  i, who would be nearly blind without glasses or contacts, could suddenly imagine people being driven into terror, with no way to see, groping about with their hands.  and then there was the larger blindness, of the people who lived around the camps and around the world, of all of those who refused to see what was happening.  i thought too of saddam hussein, who had said how much he admired adolf hitler."  {as she walked through concentration camps and crematoriums from the holocaust.}

"schools matter.  and at times like this, i am again struck by how strong teachers, principals, and superintendents are.  they matter in ways we often take for granted."  {in reference to the recovery efforts of hurricane katrina.}

"that was the problem.  while the truth may not be as interesting, it is the truth."

"taught fathers and their children how to hug...[further] his idea was that many children do not know how to be students; they have never seen a parent read, have never sat still in a chair to listen..."  {in discussing some of the basic "human needs" addressed through fatherhood initiative programs.}

"however difficult that may be, there is no reason not to try."

"things might not change, but that is no excuse for not speaking out when the need and the opportunity arise."

"presidents are not always right, but history tells us that our core values are right and that our country is good."

"i had seen the worst of man in the 9-11 attacks and the worst of nature in katrina.  but i had also seen the very best of america in the hundreds of thousands of people who had put their lives on hold to help the victims and to help our country rebuild.  i witnessed the compassion of strangers comforting, clothing, and feeding those in need.  i had seen young men and women abandoned by their parents choose to raise their own children in love.  i had been blessed to meet and to know many of the bravest men and women the world has ever seen, our soldiers, marines, airmen, sailors, and coast guard men and women."

"the love of the bush family had come full circle; the pride george had felt for his parents, they felt in return for their son.  they too had made this journey we were about to begin and had found unexpected joys in the years beyond."

find my other 2013 reading list posts here:  les mis {part one}, les mis {part two}, march reads {part one}, march reads {part two}, when it rains, through the looking glass, to look almost pretty

to find joy in another's joy

"to be able to find joy in another's joy, that is the secret of happiness."  {george bernanos}

on a normal day good self-esteem day, choosing to find joy in another's joy is easy, right ladies?  i can find complete joy and delight in my friend's new marriage, or my friend's newest little bundle of joy, or my friend's newest promotion, or my friend's newest adventure, or even something as simple as my friend's new outfit.  and all of this, this brings me happiness.  in some cases, i may even cry more tears of joy for my friend than she will for herself.

flip the switch to a day of insecurity, and this little phrase is no longer easy.  it becomes a challenge, a real test of how much i choose to allow joy to preside in my life and in my thoughts.  and on these days, i am often defeated, as every joy of someone else's is a reminder of something i do not have, or a reminder of how my "fill-in-the-blank" is not as good as the next person's, or a reminder of something i am still waiting upon. in this defeat, my thoughts, if not also in my words and actions, become ugly and tainted, rooted in bitterness. 

the contrast of these days is reflected in proverbs 17:22, "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

in these moments, i ask myself, "how can i possibly allow myself to feel and express such negativity towards the very individuals whom i treasure?  the same people that have supported me through my own ups and downs.  i love them.  i do, but why does it seem so hard today?"

there is a sense of guilt and embarrassment in admitting that some days it is difficult to be joyful in another's joy.  proverbs 14:10 warns of the distress and destruction envy brings, "the heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."  i should be celebrating the lives of my friends and family, not hiding out in envy and jealousy.

though this is something that has been on my heart for a few months, last week my little desk calendar of quotes reminded me of the depth of destruction bitterness can have on one's joy.  "to be able to find joy in another's joy, that is the secret of happiness."  {george bernanos}  what joys of my friends and family have i overlooked because i was too focused and consumed with my own insecurities or my own wants?  as i have contemplated this quote for a few days now, i am at the painful realization that bitterness and insecurity has played more of a role in my relationships than i would like to admit.  and for that my friends, i apologize.

looking back, i can see where this root of jealousy and envy has been taking hold in my life for a few years now.  i fight through those not-so-great days and then pretend as though the bitterness has no place in my life.  and i am joyful again on the good days.  until the day i realize once again that the root of bitterness still exists.  the root of bitterness still binds me from experiencing the pure joy of my savior.

but i am learning there is an element of relief in knowing that i am not alone.  and furthermore, there is a sense of freedom in knowing that deliverance and restoration are awaiting.  there is freedom in my savior when i say, "lord, i need your presence and your joy to replace my self-pity and my jealousy.  help me.  show me how to love on a daily basis.  remind me how to be joyful for others and with others because i cannot do it on my own.  remind me how to celebrate your goodness with others, on good days and bad days."

and then today, i see this and that about sums it up:  "we have to choose joy and keep choosing it" {henri j.m. nouwen}.

sometimes i feel the need to think about my posts for a day or two before i actually publish them.  like this post, for example, and a post i discovered last night about being insecurely conceited that was written nearly nine months ago. to post or not to post?  that is the question.