to find joy in another's joy

"to be able to find joy in another's joy, that is the secret of happiness."  {george bernanos}

on a normal day good self-esteem day, choosing to find joy in another's joy is easy, right ladies?  i can find complete joy and delight in my friend's new marriage, or my friend's newest little bundle of joy, or my friend's newest promotion, or my friend's newest adventure, or even something as simple as my friend's new outfit.  and all of this, this brings me happiness.  in some cases, i may even cry more tears of joy for my friend than she will for herself.

flip the switch to a day of insecurity, and this little phrase is no longer easy.  it becomes a challenge, a real test of how much i choose to allow joy to preside in my life and in my thoughts.  and on these days, i am often defeated, as every joy of someone else's is a reminder of something i do not have, or a reminder of how my "fill-in-the-blank" is not as good as the next person's, or a reminder of something i am still waiting upon. in this defeat, my thoughts, if not also in my words and actions, become ugly and tainted, rooted in bitterness. 

the contrast of these days is reflected in proverbs 17:22, "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

in these moments, i ask myself, "how can i possibly allow myself to feel and express such negativity towards the very individuals whom i treasure?  the same people that have supported me through my own ups and downs.  i love them.  i do, but why does it seem so hard today?"

there is a sense of guilt and embarrassment in admitting that some days it is difficult to be joyful in another's joy.  proverbs 14:10 warns of the distress and destruction envy brings, "the heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."  i should be celebrating the lives of my friends and family, not hiding out in envy and jealousy.

though this is something that has been on my heart for a few months, last week my little desk calendar of quotes reminded me of the depth of destruction bitterness can have on one's joy.  "to be able to find joy in another's joy, that is the secret of happiness."  {george bernanos}  what joys of my friends and family have i overlooked because i was too focused and consumed with my own insecurities or my own wants?  as i have contemplated this quote for a few days now, i am at the painful realization that bitterness and insecurity has played more of a role in my relationships than i would like to admit.  and for that my friends, i apologize.

looking back, i can see where this root of jealousy and envy has been taking hold in my life for a few years now.  i fight through those not-so-great days and then pretend as though the bitterness has no place in my life.  and i am joyful again on the good days.  until the day i realize once again that the root of bitterness still exists.  the root of bitterness still binds me from experiencing the pure joy of my savior.

but i am learning there is an element of relief in knowing that i am not alone.  and furthermore, there is a sense of freedom in knowing that deliverance and restoration are awaiting.  there is freedom in my savior when i say, "lord, i need your presence and your joy to replace my self-pity and my jealousy.  help me.  show me how to love on a daily basis.  remind me how to be joyful for others and with others because i cannot do it on my own.  remind me how to celebrate your goodness with others, on good days and bad days."

and then today, i see this and that about sums it up:  "we have to choose joy and keep choosing it" {henri j.m. nouwen}.

sometimes i feel the need to think about my posts for a day or two before i actually publish them.  like this post, for example, and a post i discovered last night about being insecurely conceited that was written nearly nine months ago. to post or not to post?  that is the question.